I've been a little heavy hearted this week. I had a Dr appointment on Monday that I waited months for and it didn't go like I'd hoped. I won't go into details, I'll just say that it was a waste of my time and money and I did not get the help I was hoping for. I was really disappointed and have been in a bit of a funk since. I thought about writing about it but I hate to be a whiner and I know even though I didn't get what I wanted I still have a lot to be thankful for, so I didn't.
This morning started the same as most. Chris brought me a cup of coffee in bed and gave me a kiss as he rushed out the door for work. I sat on our bed for a minute and sipped the hot beverage that would soon bring me to life so that I could get on with my day. I thought about all the things I needed to do. I thought about how I hadn't blogged in several days. I thought again about blogging about my problems and disappointments but decided that was depressing and no one wants to hear about that. I prayed a quick prayer and asked God to give me something happy and inspiring to blog about today. I knew the kids were in the backyard playing and I wouldn't be able to hear them scream if disaster happened (which is pretty much a daily occurrence around our house) so I forced myself to get up even though I didn't sleep last night and I feel terrible.
When the kids realize I'm up they flog me, asking for a multitude of things at once...bananas, cereal, almond milk, help with the potty...the usual. I get everyone set up and realize Kaleb is sitting in the dining room floor looking like I feel (which is bad) so I ask him if he's ok. He tells me he's tired but there's no where to sleep because the kids will find him and bother him. I told him to go lay in their room and I would keep them away. I decided I would put on a movie for the others so they would definitely stay in the living room but when I went to lay down the blanket for them to lounge on (because we have no furniture right now because we're moving...long story I'll get to another day) I realize the floor is filthy and I need to sweep before I put the blanket down. So I start to sweep, pushing moving boxes out of the way and generally clearing a suitable spot for the blanket when I spot it....in a box near the front door. I hadn't paid any attention to this box because we have so many everywhere I just figured it had yard sale stuff in it and never gave it a second look...but this box was different. It was not one that I'd seen before and as I peered down at it's contents a flood of excitement poured over me and for a minute I forgot that I felt bad. Where did this come from? Was I dreaming or was this for real? It was a miracle....it was....a KEURIG! Now anyone who knows me well knows that I am obsessed with coffee. Coffee, java, mud, joe, nectar of the gods....call it whatever you want but I love it! We have a lovely old school percolator coffee pot that we love but there is something about the Keurig that's had my attention for a while. Well for one, their just plain neat. Beautiful, modern, buttons that glow... the idea of getting a fresh cup of coffee every time and never getting the last bit of the pot that is slightly burnt and not nearly as tasty as the first cup...what's not to love? I've watched and participated in the demos at Costco many times, ooooing and aaaaahing as if the demonstrator was performing some sort of magical trick...and then I look at the price tag on the display model and I come back to my senses and walk away sipping my cup of fresh coffee thinking to myself "well, that was fun, maybe one day...".
I wondered where in the world this had come from. I threw the broom down and ran into the kids room where poor Kaleb was almost asleep.... "Kaleb, Kaleb! Did your mom bring me a coffee maker?" Kaleb in a daze "what, a coffee maker?"....me "a coffee maker! It's in a box in the living room..did your mom bring it?"...Kaleb groggily "a box, uh, maybe". Well he wasn't any help so I ran to the phone to call Katie and when she answered I practically burst..."did you bring me a Keurig?"!!! She said she did and it was for me to sell at our yard sale on Sat. I was a little bummed and then she said that it had come from her work and that it didn't work very well so they never used it, so instead of throwing it away she donated it to our yard sale. I asked a few questions about what was wrong with it and then I think sensing my disappointment she said "I mean, you can play around with it if you want"...that's all I needed to hear:) I hung up and raced back to the living room and pulled the amazing invention from it's cardboard home. I sat it on the kitchen counter and stared at it. It was beautiful! The kids could sense my excitement and they danced around in the kitchen behind me as I filled the reservoir with water and inserted the tiny cup of coffee grounds. Then it was time...I pushed the beautiful blue glowing button and tah dah!!!! A glorious cup of hot coffee was made in a matter of seconds right before my eyes! I quickly added my milk and sugar and gave it a good stir and then the moment of truth...I put the cup to my lips and sipped.......aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! AMAZING! Katie had told me that they had not successfully made a good strong cup of coffee with it and decided they didn't want it. I don't know what could have been their problem but my cup was wonderful! I checked with her to make sure I understood correctly that it was mine to sell or do whatever with and she said it was. HOORAY!!!! Chris called a bit later and we talked about how excited we were and agreed that we would never be able to sell it at our yard sale for a substantial amount so it was worth more to us sitting in it's new place on the kitchen counter than it was in our yard sale pile. I was reminded of the old saying "One man's junk is another man's treasure". :)
As I finished my cup of coffee with feelings of excitement about making another cup welling up inside me, I realized that this really was a miracle of sorts. Of course I did not NEED a Keurig but I had wanted one for a really long time. I don't think I've ever actually prayed for one but since God knows all of our thoughts He surely knew how much I'd wanted one. I had come to the realization a while ago that I probably would not have one for a very long time, like years. We are on a very strict budget and all of our money is pretty much spoken for before we get it. We have all sorts of "funds" that we put money into regularly in order to have enough to pay for things when needs arise, like groceries, medical, electricity, etc. and "Keurig fund" is definitely not one of them. I was reminded that while of course we don't always get what we want when we want it, God is always listening and sometimes when we least expect it He gives us the desires of our heart.
"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.Psalm 37:4"
If God is paying attention to the little things in my life, like my love of coffee and kitchen appliances, then how much more does He care about the really important things like Dr's appointments. I have to remember God's timing is not always the same as our timing.
"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.Galatians 6:9"
Instead of being discouraged that my Dr appointment didn't go like I wanted I will trust that God knows all about it and He has a plan for me that is so much better than anything I could come up with on my own. I will be strong in the Lord and trust in His grace to get me through this rough patch.
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is
made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in
my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9"
Praise the Lord for another day, my dream coffee maker and something to blog about:)
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Insecurity and cupcakes
(from Friday, July 25th)
My sister and I were recently talking about how sometimes when we're talking to people we say something or do something and suddenly we have this feeling that maybe we shouldn't have. I'm not talking about things that are rude or things we obviously shouldn't say or do. I'm talking about normal everyday conversations where sometimes you just get an "uncool" feeling like you don't quite fit in. We both giggled and agreed we don't like that feeling.
Yesterday the kids and I went to a birthday lunch and ran some errands. From the first conversation I had to the last one before I came back home, I had one "uncool" moment after another. Some of them had real reasons for being awkward, like when I had a piece of potato skin from my waffle fry stuck in my front teeth and didn't realize it (ugh!) or when Liam decided in the checkout line at Costco that he would make a glass shattering, shrieking noise akin to a pod of dolphins during mating season (I'm pretty sure our 20yr old customer service associate vowed to never procreate after the 3rd one of these wonderful displays of Liam's extreme vocal range). The rest of the times were just awkward for me and I wasn't sure why. I mean everyone that I had talked with was very nice and no one did anything to make me feel awkward but I still felt so "uncool" and out of place. Part of me wondered if it was because I didn't put on my makeup (I know that is silly). I know makeup doesn't make one "cool" but it does help boost self confidence. I decided to call my sister and share my day with her and get another perspective. After telling her about every little thing that made me feel weird she agreed that a few of those occasions were justified but she thought that most of my awkwardness was self inflicted, so to speak. She said that she thought I felt that way because I was insecure and my body language showed that. Other people pick up on that and then they act funny and then I feel funny....you get the idea. After we hung up the phone I thought about what she said. Was I so insecure that I was making my own self feel uncool? Why was I insecure? We were taught as children that we should always be ourselves because God made us special and that fitting in and being "cool" shouldn't be a major concern. I really do believe that but still sometimes that yucky feeling that I felt as a child creeps in and I feel like a big dork. I decided to go to my Bible. I found so many verses that made me feel better. I was reminded that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Pslam 139:14) and I need not be insecure or fear for anything:
"Be careful (anxious) for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7"
"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body nor what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat,and the body more than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Matthew 2:25-26"
And this one is so wonderful. Growing up in church and in a Christian home we were made to memorize this one. After reciting it a hundred times you don't always think about what you're saying when you say it, it just becomes a habit, but when I saw this today the words jumped off the page at me. They were beautiful:
"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff shall comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23"
There are so many more verses I don't have time to post. I'm so glad I took the time to check my Bible. Lately I haven't spent enough time doing that and it shows. I've been insecure and stressed but after reading these verses and many more I feel so much better. I don't have to worry about being "cool", whatever that is anyway, and according to the Bible I don't need to worry about anything. God knows my needs before I need them and He knows my fears before I'm ever afraid and He's got them all covered. What a relief to know that He's watching over me and has my life under control. If He knows the number of hairs on my head and not one sparrow falls that He doesn't know about (Matthew 10:29-31) then I know he cares about all of the tiny details of my life, not just the big ones. That makes me feel better and more confident than all the make up in the world.
After all of our shopping and errands we came home and I made gluten free cupcakes for my sweet Liam. I can't believe he is 3 years old. It really seems like just yesterday we were waiting to meet him... It was about 4pm and I was laboring quietly in my bathtub while Chris was playing the guitar and singing to me Bob Seger's "Against the wind" (I know that sounds funny but Chris has a beautiful voice and I love it when he sings that song). Rachel and Elliot were playing, completely oblivious to the fact that they were about to have a baby brother. My mommy and sister were in my living room waiting, very excited but a little nervous because we were having a homebirth. Then at 5:10pm on Sunday, July 26th, 2009 our sweet curly headed boy was born into Chris's hands, so tiny (5lbs 10oz, 18") and helpless. So so sweet. Such wonderful memories. Now he's still sweet (and very feisty) but so much bigger and can do anything his big brother can do and then some (he's my dare devil). After we ate dinner I let the kids pick out what color sprinkles they each wanted on their cupcake. They were so excited! Sprinkles are pretty awesome so I can't blame them. Liam did not appreciate our special rendition of "Happy Birthday" and was screaming by the end of it "I don't like that". HAHAHA! It was a wonderful evening and a great end to an awkward day. A wonderful dinner and quality time with 5 people who never make me feel out of place or "uncool". Thank you Lord for my beautiful family.
My sister and I were recently talking about how sometimes when we're talking to people we say something or do something and suddenly we have this feeling that maybe we shouldn't have. I'm not talking about things that are rude or things we obviously shouldn't say or do. I'm talking about normal everyday conversations where sometimes you just get an "uncool" feeling like you don't quite fit in. We both giggled and agreed we don't like that feeling.
Yesterday the kids and I went to a birthday lunch and ran some errands. From the first conversation I had to the last one before I came back home, I had one "uncool" moment after another. Some of them had real reasons for being awkward, like when I had a piece of potato skin from my waffle fry stuck in my front teeth and didn't realize it (ugh!) or when Liam decided in the checkout line at Costco that he would make a glass shattering, shrieking noise akin to a pod of dolphins during mating season (I'm pretty sure our 20yr old customer service associate vowed to never procreate after the 3rd one of these wonderful displays of Liam's extreme vocal range). The rest of the times were just awkward for me and I wasn't sure why. I mean everyone that I had talked with was very nice and no one did anything to make me feel awkward but I still felt so "uncool" and out of place. Part of me wondered if it was because I didn't put on my makeup (I know that is silly). I know makeup doesn't make one "cool" but it does help boost self confidence. I decided to call my sister and share my day with her and get another perspective. After telling her about every little thing that made me feel weird she agreed that a few of those occasions were justified but she thought that most of my awkwardness was self inflicted, so to speak. She said that she thought I felt that way because I was insecure and my body language showed that. Other people pick up on that and then they act funny and then I feel funny....you get the idea. After we hung up the phone I thought about what she said. Was I so insecure that I was making my own self feel uncool? Why was I insecure? We were taught as children that we should always be ourselves because God made us special and that fitting in and being "cool" shouldn't be a major concern. I really do believe that but still sometimes that yucky feeling that I felt as a child creeps in and I feel like a big dork. I decided to go to my Bible. I found so many verses that made me feel better. I was reminded that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Pslam 139:14) and I need not be insecure or fear for anything:
"Be careful (anxious) for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7"
"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body nor what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat,and the body more than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Matthew 2:25-26"
And this one is so wonderful. Growing up in church and in a Christian home we were made to memorize this one. After reciting it a hundred times you don't always think about what you're saying when you say it, it just becomes a habit, but when I saw this today the words jumped off the page at me. They were beautiful:
"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff shall comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23"
There are so many more verses I don't have time to post. I'm so glad I took the time to check my Bible. Lately I haven't spent enough time doing that and it shows. I've been insecure and stressed but after reading these verses and many more I feel so much better. I don't have to worry about being "cool", whatever that is anyway, and according to the Bible I don't need to worry about anything. God knows my needs before I need them and He knows my fears before I'm ever afraid and He's got them all covered. What a relief to know that He's watching over me and has my life under control. If He knows the number of hairs on my head and not one sparrow falls that He doesn't know about (Matthew 10:29-31) then I know he cares about all of the tiny details of my life, not just the big ones. That makes me feel better and more confident than all the make up in the world.
After all of our shopping and errands we came home and I made gluten free cupcakes for my sweet Liam. I can't believe he is 3 years old. It really seems like just yesterday we were waiting to meet him... It was about 4pm and I was laboring quietly in my bathtub while Chris was playing the guitar and singing to me Bob Seger's "Against the wind" (I know that sounds funny but Chris has a beautiful voice and I love it when he sings that song). Rachel and Elliot were playing, completely oblivious to the fact that they were about to have a baby brother. My mommy and sister were in my living room waiting, very excited but a little nervous because we were having a homebirth. Then at 5:10pm on Sunday, July 26th, 2009 our sweet curly headed boy was born into Chris's hands, so tiny (5lbs 10oz, 18") and helpless. So so sweet. Such wonderful memories. Now he's still sweet (and very feisty) but so much bigger and can do anything his big brother can do and then some (he's my dare devil). After we ate dinner I let the kids pick out what color sprinkles they each wanted on their cupcake. They were so excited! Sprinkles are pretty awesome so I can't blame them. Liam did not appreciate our special rendition of "Happy Birthday" and was screaming by the end of it "I don't like that". HAHAHA! It was a wonderful evening and a great end to an awkward day. A wonderful dinner and quality time with 5 people who never make me feel out of place or "uncool". Thank you Lord for my beautiful family.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
My first blog post!
So this is my very first blog post! HOORAY! I've been wanting to start this for a very long time but there seems to always be something that gets in the way of me actually doing it. I'm so excited and have so many ideas in my head that I've been storing up, I don't know where to start! Let me just start with today:)
Today, we are battling strep throat in our house :-/ We have an epidemic that started about 7 weeks ago with Rachel, then myself, then Elliott, then Rachel again. Yesterday I had to go back to the Dr because I have it again. Elliott has abdominal pain and was throwing up in the middle of the night (I didn't realize until all of this that abdominal pain, vomiting and a bad headache goes with strep) so the Dr is going to call a prescription in for him and Chris just got back from the Dr because now he has it too (and he never gets sick). This has been horrible. I feel like we need to set off some sort of germ killing bomb in our house to get rid of this funk.
Thursday is Liam's 3rd birthday. I have no idea what I'm going to do for him. Of course I'm going to bake him a cake (gluten free of course) but that's about as far as I've gotten. I feel bad that I've not planned more before this point but our lives are so crazy right now between fighting sickness for weeks and trying to pack and get ready to move. We knew we weren't going to have a big party this time so I guess since I wasn't so pressured to plan like a crazy person I just didn't plan at all. I need to figure out a plan quickly.
I feel very unorganized right now but I keep telling myself after we get moved it will be better. We will have less stuff (literally) to worry with and I'm determined to unpack in a timely manner so we aren't tripping over boxes for weeks (or months) and to get the new place organized just right as quickly as possible so we can resume our normal lives. It looks like by the time we actually get moved I will really need to get settled ASAP because school starts back in a few weeks and I HAVE to be ready to jump into homeschooling this year with both feet. I purchased this a while back to help me organize my daily schedule but I haven't started it yet. This WILL be one of the first things I do though after we get moved. It really does look very interesting and has a lot of great reviews from mothers with a lot more kids that I have (which gives me much hope:) so I'm really excited about trying it out. I'll definitely do a post on that when I do it.
Well I guess this is all for my first post. Even though I feel like poo there's still stuff to do around here and right now it's laundry (actually it's always laundry:)
Today, we are battling strep throat in our house :-/ We have an epidemic that started about 7 weeks ago with Rachel, then myself, then Elliott, then Rachel again. Yesterday I had to go back to the Dr because I have it again. Elliott has abdominal pain and was throwing up in the middle of the night (I didn't realize until all of this that abdominal pain, vomiting and a bad headache goes with strep) so the Dr is going to call a prescription in for him and Chris just got back from the Dr because now he has it too (and he never gets sick). This has been horrible. I feel like we need to set off some sort of germ killing bomb in our house to get rid of this funk.
Thursday is Liam's 3rd birthday. I have no idea what I'm going to do for him. Of course I'm going to bake him a cake (gluten free of course) but that's about as far as I've gotten. I feel bad that I've not planned more before this point but our lives are so crazy right now between fighting sickness for weeks and trying to pack and get ready to move. We knew we weren't going to have a big party this time so I guess since I wasn't so pressured to plan like a crazy person I just didn't plan at all. I need to figure out a plan quickly.
I feel very unorganized right now but I keep telling myself after we get moved it will be better. We will have less stuff (literally) to worry with and I'm determined to unpack in a timely manner so we aren't tripping over boxes for weeks (or months) and to get the new place organized just right as quickly as possible so we can resume our normal lives. It looks like by the time we actually get moved I will really need to get settled ASAP because school starts back in a few weeks and I HAVE to be ready to jump into homeschooling this year with both feet. I purchased this a while back to help me organize my daily schedule but I haven't started it yet. This WILL be one of the first things I do though after we get moved. It really does look very interesting and has a lot of great reviews from mothers with a lot more kids that I have (which gives me much hope:) so I'm really excited about trying it out. I'll definitely do a post on that when I do it.
Well I guess this is all for my first post. Even though I feel like poo there's still stuff to do around here and right now it's laundry (actually it's always laundry:)
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